Dostoevsky, Aaron Swartz & the Broken Butterfly of Tomorrow - Part 3/4

» This page is PART THREE, continued from » Part Two. It was split into FOUR pages in order to adhere to principles of web site optimization. Here you go...

» Aaron Swartz Hangs Himself in NYC on January 11

Aaron Swartz hangs himself in NYC on January 11, 2013UPDATE - Oh, this is sad. Very sad. I just saw that Aaron Swartz hung himself today. At age 26. In New York City. (Brooklyn.) January 11th, 2013.

Such promise. Such remarkable promise. What a loss. What a colossal loss .. for the cause .. of sanity against insanity.

Of certainty against uncertainty. Of freedom against incarceration. Of life against death.

A beacon in the darkness .. extinguished, silenced forever.

It may surprise you, Mr. U.S. Justice Man, but some people actually need a reason a live .. and you took his away.

When unrighteous shit like this happens to our brothers, to our prophets .. we need to cry out .. to make it know .. that we DO NOT AGREE with our ancestors deeds.

Therefore, let it be known unto you. Let this serve as a solemn protest.

» Fight of the Ages!

Announcer: "Ladies and gentlemen, in THIS corner! .. we have » Yesterday!" [ crowd cheers with wild enthusiasm ]

"And in the OTHER corner, we have » Tomorrow!" [ crowd curiously silent ]

Confused-sounding Announcer » "Uh .. something seems to have happened to Tomorrow."

Tomorrow has been persecuted (by Yesterday) so savagely .. that Tomorrow said, "Fuck it!"

The endangered Schaus swallowtail butterfly (male)Tomorrow is a butterfly that has been broken over a wheel.

A beautiful butterfly, broken over an ugly wheel.

A very ugly wheel. A corrupt ugly wheel .. that discriminates against youth .. on the behalf of age.

Do you not recognize .. can't you see .. that Tomorrow is being sacrificed .. for the sake of Yesterday?

From my perspective, it is not difficult to see. Not at all difficult. Because clearly, Yesterday can vote ..

.. while Tomorrow can't. And you only seem to care about getting (re)elected. That's sad. Very sad (.. especially for Tomorrow).

You know .. if the government were smart, it would have funded a Research Group .. and made Aaron the director. Just imagine what effect that remarkable young man might have had ..

. on technology that increases efficiency .. and that helps people everywhere become more efficient ..

.. sort of like, you know » Steve Jobs, Mr. Apple himself. Patriarch of one of our nation's largest companies.

Aaron already HAS contributed to our nation (.. and the entire world) .. things which have had a positive effect. But you dont seem to value his contributions .. as much as the ones by those who MAKE MONEY.

Steve Jobs (1955-2011)Perhaps this is why our economy is still sputtering after .. years, now. Why it is only benefitting a select few.

Perhaps .. in their fear of radically new things / technologies ..

.. they are unwittingly stifling good old fashioned Unites States creative ingenuity.

I don't understand why you continue to focus all of your energy on bullshit .. and ignore the real problems facing our nation and our economy.

You need more vision .. than just what you can see leading up to the next election cycle. I think the term for your condition is » myopia. Political myopia.

[ And you need to grow some cojones while you work on fixing the vision problem. Obama needs to grow the courage to follow the law .. just like you & me .. and all the other "little people".]

» The Weight of a Suicide .. of a Geek's Geek

I did not know Aaron, but this grieves me .. more than I expected. I needed to go for a walk. The weight was surprising. (Perhaps because this comes so soon after Newtown. Less than a month. Maybe I am still grieving for those 20 first-graders.)

What a stark reminder that human beings have limits .. to the bullshit they can endure .. especially those who are more human than most.

Even a cursory look at the circumstances and the comments coming in from around the world make it easy for me to identify with him. Because he was Geek's geek ..

.. caught up in an heartless legal system .. that was bound and determined .. to grind him into sausage meat .. without any regard for the need for human dignity. "If you dare disagree with the Overlord$, you are not even worthy of human dignity."

It seems as tho our government cannot tell the difference between the good guys and the bad guys. As Harvard professor, Lessig [ who knew Aaron since Aaron was just a kid ] said »

"Remember, we live in a world where the architects of the financial crisis regularly dine at the White House -- and where even those brought to "justice" never even have to admit any wrongdoing, let alone be labeled "felons."

Alan Turing | Father of Computer Science (1912-1954)I admit .. this kind of shit (injustice, inequality) pisses me off. It frosts my ass. Because it clearly isnt right.

Aaron stood for what I myself stand for. So it feels like a part of me has died .. under nasty circumstances. Horribly nasty.

Light a candle, ye Geeks. A candle of remembrance. The flame will speak.

Meanwhile Jon Corleozonie .. you know » Mr-Uh-I-somehow-LOST-$1.6-Billion-Dollars-of-Other-People's-Money .. has never even been charged with a crime.

[ Not hard to find victims THERE, is it, Jonnie? Because they have lined up .. and line disappears around the block.

The Authorities: "What's that, Jon? You lost a few billion of other people's money? No problem. Hey, shit happens, bro."

Meanwhile, the same Authority a little later: "Hey you over there .. with the 6-pack tucked under your arm. Dont make me tase you, dude." ]

How do we reconcile such vast disparity in justice? We can't. It is merely one-more-spotlight .. on the sad fact .. that our government has been co-opted. Clearly the wealthy-few OWN our government. And therefore they own us.

You set yourselves up as gods when you do that » "We-up-here, above the law, can do whatever the fuck we like. While you chumps down there in Sausage-land .. have different rules. Sausage-manufacturing rules. Make more sausage faster."

» Bouazizi & Swartz » Both 26 when they Committed Suicides-of-Despair

Do you not recognize similarities with Mohamed Bouazizi, the kindly street vendor who torched himself in the streets of Tunisia .. which became the event that led to the outrage that ignited the Arab Spring?

Mohamed Bouazizi (1984-2011).. who also died, coincidentally, at age 26 .. exactly two years and one week ago. And the fires are still raging there in the Middle East.

The same age Einstein was the year (1905) when he kicked maximum scientific ass .. while working in his SPARE TIME, no less ..

.. as a 3rd rate patent clerk .. because he could not land a teaching job, despite countless applications, nor even get into a PhD program.

The world is still trying to comprehend the implications of Einstein's muscular throw-down when he was just 26 years old. (Still.)

I also can't help but think of Alan Turing, the Father-of-Computer-Science, who committed suicide .. by eating a cyanide-laced apple .. after his government had him chemically castrated (.. for homosexuality) ..

in lieu of imprisonment .. after he played a major role in helping them win World War II .. by breaking the German Naval Enigma code (.. at Bletchly Park). No good deed goes unpunished.

Rumor has it that Alan's poison apple is where Apple Computer got its logo .. an apple with a single bite missing.

British government: "Thanks for helping us win the war, Alan. Looks like it's now time to cook your nuts now, seeing that we have no more wars for you to help us win. Thank-you for your service at Bletchley Park and cracking the German Enigma code that helped us win the war."

Dude, chemical castration .. is like dropping your 'nads into a pot of boiling water .. and leaving them there until they're well done. Hard-boiled.

That's what the British government did .. to one of the twentieth century's greatest geeks. So I'm not very surprised that he chose to kill himself (.. just like Aaron did).

[ I know it's hard to believe.. but governments have done worse shit than that. Waay worse. ]

» Warning Delivered | Warning Ignored | Momma Wizard Not Happy

Okay .. I tried to warn them » "Do NOT piss off the Geeks," I told them. I tried. You can lead a horse to water. I feel like I failed. Utterly.

Okay, here's what I said May 15th (.. copy-n-paste):

Guy Fawkes Anonymous MaskSo you've been busy. But .. if you piss them off, they will come after your ass. And they have special powers. You will RUE the day, my friend. Mark my words.

Because they are not forgiving, like me (« Mr. Niceguy). No, sir. Like an angry African wasp, they will sting .. and KEEP stinging ..

.. until their asses are good-n-sore. (That's why you dont want to provoke them.)

If they get really pissed, they will come after your ass .. with a vengeance. And then you're fucked. (Give me points for clarity. Ozy sends his best.)

Interesting, no? .. that Ozy was published on this exact date (January 11th) 195 years ago (1818).

Tho I also added:

I am not one of these wizards, no. (Not hardly.) But I understand them. I can FEEL them (.. we must share some of the same geeky chromosomes). Thermo-nuclear bonding, you might say.

This is how I know that you are in trouble. And I'm here to help (.. cue audio track of cavalry bugle cry amid the sound of galloping hooves). Consider it a lifeline.

So it's not like they werent warned. And I TOLD you they were wizards .. didnt I? [ Momma wizard is going to be verrry angry. ]

You probably already know this .. but for the benefit of our obviously-clueless government officials » "Dude, there is a tsunami coming." I dont know when it will make landfall .. but it will not be pretty. You might wanna look around for something sturdy to grab hold of.

» Stand the Fuck By

Mushroom cloudAnd you thought Sandy was bad. "Stand the fuck by."

Dylan wrote "It'll soon shake your windows and rattle your walls." Unfortunately, Dylan never said when.

Japan had 9 minutes. The clock has started. Tickety-tock went the clock.


Update - Jan 26, 2013. Oh, I just saw » THIS .. Anonymous' response to the government's handling of Aaron Swartz (.. very well articulated, as usual) ..

.. which ends with a promise » "Not this time. This time there will be change or there will be chaos."

Give them points for clarity. Two weeks to the day. That was quick. Easy to see the 'love' they put into it.

I have been trying to tell you .. that they do not think like you. (And they seem to have the patience of a saint.)

Part of the art & craft of Writing, as I see it, is to convey the most .. in either the clearest, most efficient, or most artistic way .. depending on the desired result and your intended audience.

So I caught myself admiring the sentence construction. Nobody will be able to claim that their position was ambiguous. Certainly more tasteful than I would have done.

I find it noteworthy that Henry Miller wrote » "Dostoevsky is chaos and fecundity" .. implying that, in the writing of the Russian, the two forces meet to create a » "vortex in the bubbling maelstrom." In other words » humanity.

If you were selected to write the one sentence that was to initiate the countdown sequence to doomsday .. that would be it. =)

I jest of course, but it's the truthful undercurrent that makes it funny. Actually, the last two sentences go together. The repetition made me think of Hemingway.


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I especially took note of their statement » "We do not expect to be negotiated with. We do not desire to be negotiated with."

Site of the World's First Atomic Blast, July 16, 1945 | Oppenheimer & General GrovesYep .. that's how Geeks think » "We're not interested in sitting down at the table of Power. Fix the problem or suffer the consequences. We got better shit to do .. and you can be sure we'll be thinking of you."

Here's what I think. Knowing what I know about you .. I think you will call their bluff. But this wont be the first time you've made a bad decision.

The question is » will it be the last? Either way, I think you will be surprised.

I have that very cool feeling you get right when you see your path to checkmate .. along with the accompanying need for glee-supression.

I hear the sound of drums beating in the distance. Can you hear them? You will. It's really a countdown sequence.

Ya know .. when I first posted Geeks vs the Government (.. my titles usually morph, so I dont recall the original title) .. uh, you can go back and SEE that I originally posted that entry on April 21st ..

.. but I later changed the date to May 15 .. as a way to pay tribute to the Indignados (.. because they inspired me). And because the date » 4-21 seemed like a countdown.

Made me increasingly uneasy as the document developed. [ Sometimes the entries head off in unexpected directions. ] "Not much time left," was the implication. [ Seems absurd now to think that I could slow any countdown by merely changing the date. ]

It was, by the way, a much bigger pain-in-the-ass .. to change the date .. that I anticipated. I would never again do it. Changing the DAY is not so bad. But when you change the MONTH .. no fun.

I must say tho .. I do indeed feel that a countdown has started. Dont you? Probably just my imagination.

Justice is supposed to be blind. That's why she wears a blindfold. I liked that part. Great imagery. Judgment has come to the facade you call Justice. "Ye shall know them by their fruit."

Druckenmiller comethListen, you can't expect them to play by your rules .. because your rules are » "Heads we win, tails you lose."

Can't you see that? You are *asking* for it. (Begging.)

And they will oblige.

Either one is bad enough [ .. letting the uber-wealthy get away wth murder, or limiting your persecution to the weak and the poor ].

But when you combine them BOTH TOGETHER .. it projects an alarming hologram of what our government has becomeco-opted).

Bought and paid for. You guys have no balls. Pulling levers from behind your curtain of smoke and mirrors. The great and powerful Oz.

You need to stand up for what is right.

That thing with Aaron was not right .. as anybody with even a smidge of sense can plainly see. (Or are we really that far down the road already?)

The US Financial System has become something of a suicide bomber. It has strapped to itself all kinds of weapons of mass destruction and cries, "If you upset me, I might blow."

Meanwhile, they and their cronies are running roughshod over the entire economy, and demanding the rest of us bow down, render due " ..and make it snappy."

Fuck that. Let them blow. Cuz this is no way to run a true Capitalist economy. Isolate, detonate & ventilate (.. to get rid of the smoke).

[ Yes, I am surprised I just wrote that. Where does this stuff come from? ]

Have a little faith in the American people. We can handle it. I mean, we've put up with your sorry asses this long. So let's do this thing. For the kids. Light a candle.

Chaos: A Reserved Word

I noticed that Anonymous concluded their message with the word » chaos. Chaos is no ordinary word. No, sir. Chaos is a special word.

If we were programming in JavaScript, we would call chaos a 'reserved' word. Unfortunately for you however, they're not using JavaScript.

Here again, is their concluding sentence » "Not this time. This time there will be change or there will be chaos."

Interesting choice of words .. because .. if you think about it .. chaos can be defined as » more change than your ass can handle. =)

Alex Gibney» The Unstoppable Force

In a moment of melancholy reflection .. while out on my walk ..

.. I looked to my Left .. where I saw coming an Unstoppable Force. This force I call » bits.

Then I looked to my Right .. where I saw entrenched an Immovable Object. This object I call » atoms.

The question begging to be asked » What happens, pray tell, when bits collide with atoms?

Unwieldly atoms. And it is digital technology which makes these atoms unwieldy.

In this confrontation I see a metaphor for » spiritual vs physical .. non-physical bits (spiritual) vs (physical) atoms.

Any everybody knows that, in the end, the spirit triumphs. Tho right now, it would seem like bits are getting their asses kicked.

And I can almost hear the Rastafarian sing » "How long shall they kill our prophets?" And I think » not long.

The answer to this most cataclysmic question (as usual) » depends. It depends on whether you ask an old Classicist, or a new Quantumist.

The question no one is asking, however » what happens when atoms persecute bits? Because today we learned the answer to that question.

Geek down. Brother down. Young man down. Very young. Doesnt look like he will be getting back up anytime soon, either.

Regarding the question of what happens when bits hit atoms .. I ask you .. who wields the power of digital technology most skillfully?

Yesterday or Tomorrow?

It's just a mater of time. And it appears that .. that time is here. That time is now.

I will certainly be stocking up on popcorn .. for what promises to be a most entertaining cataclysm .. defined as » "A sudden violent change in the earth's surface."

My plan » wait for the dust to settle and go see wtf. Stay tuned.

My admittedly limited experience has been .. that Immovable Objects only look immovable. fwiw.

[ There are more geeks than just those at Anonymous. Way more. Way, way more. Far as the eye can see. Growing every day. And they are crafty little fuckers, too. ]

Two very different cultures » Openness vs Closedness. Collision imminent. Collision confirmed. Impact verified. Geek down. Confirmed dead.

I think our government officials do not understand .. that the members of the new culture would rather die .. than live in their Closed society. (But they will.)

Ya know .. if you guys had a shred of honor left you'd take the gentleman's way out. Havent you fucked up enough already? Dont you ever get tired of fucking things up? Havent you ruined enough lives already? For decades to come.

Laurence Kotlikoff | Professor of Economics at Boston UniversityHow many future generations are you going to trash? .. in order to prop up your system of inequality.

UPDATE - looks like it is NOT a tsunami that is coming .. but rather a train.

In other words, a device of your own making. I think you call them » financial derivatives.

Satyajit says that you can't eliminate risk .. that you can only move it around. Is he right, Jamie?

And the train has already left the station .. some time ago. So you might want to step off the track.

What's that noise? Sounds like a whistle. A train whistle. </update>

» If It Smells Like Corruption

Dont you find it odd .. that you have a law that says a poor, black man can't walk out of convenience store with a six-pack under his arm, without paying for it ..

.. yet no law to say it is wrong for a wealthy, white man to 'loose' $1.6 billion .. of other people's money? In a supposedly regulated environment.

Regulated by the government.

No matter how hard you look .. you can't find one lousy law, not one .. under which Jon could be charged?

[ I mean, you can always let him off later .. on some technicality. I'm just talking about managing appearances.

Cuz the appearance is not pretty. Maybe you should talk to some people from Hollywood. They know ALL ABOUT managing appearances.

Or do you not care about appearances? ]

Dont you find it odd? I mean, is a res ipsa loquitur sort of way. Declare truly. [ Dostoevsky would add, "And do not lie." ]

Actions speak louder than words. Your actions say » "Our rich friends on Wall Street trashed the whole fucking economy? No problem. But a poor man stole a six-pack from the local convenence store. Throw his ass in jail now and throw away the key."

Elizabeth Warren | United States Senator from MassachusettsI can't help but find it a curious coincidence .. that Aaron Swatz was being prosecuted by the State of Massachusetts ..

.. same state where Elizabeth Warren was just elected.

And it is no secret how she feels about big "Go Fuck Yourself" banks.

You must admit .. it makes for interesting dynamics .. seeing how the banks lobbied congress to ax her ass .. as Director of the newly-created Consumer Financial Protection Bureau.

I bet they wish for a do-over on that one. Out of the frying pan and into the fire. "You mean that lady who we ax'ed from directing the CFPB is now a senator?"

That must have been one of the great 'Fuck-me' moments in American history .. when the election results started to shed light on the outcome of that senate race ..

.. and then again when Elizabeth was assigned to the Senate Banking committee. Oh, to be a fly on the wall.

Yes, she is just one little lady .. but now she is a United States senator .. and she has powerful moral winds at her back.

Even more interestingly, she has credibility .. which, I am sad to say, is in short supply there in "We-Love-Wall-Street-Money" Washington.


Your sense of justice seems very fucked up and distorted. You persecute some for trivial bullshit .. while completely ignoring things that really matter. People get tired of being fucked with. People have limits to the bullshit they can endure.

From here, it seems clear that YOU are the problem .. not Aaron. Your values are fucked up. Distorted. Corrupted. How do you live with yourself? What happened to your moral compass? To your conscience?

Did power do that to you? Or were you always like that? I can't believe your momma raised you like that. To pick on the weak. And to help the powerful beat up the weak. And to steal from kids.

Comedy/Tragedy Drama MasksPerhaps there are some things that are so fucked up .. that we will never be able to figure them out.

Today's entry is the first Rad entry where I have been able make the following statement » Next year the entire world will observe the anniversary of the beginning of the First World War ..

.. where the peoples of the world .. can pause to refect on how fucked up (incompetent) governments can be .. and how much misery their fucked-up-edness (incompetence) can inflict on innocent people.

» Criminal Drama Faces Back Asswards

People kill themselves because they view the world as such a shitty place .. that they would rather be dead. (Even if that might involve pain.)

It is truly remarkable that you were able to make the world of Aaron Swartz such a shitty place .. that such a beautiful soul no longer wanted any part of it. (None.)

So perhaps you can begin to understand why we are so perplexed .. by your response to people do really bad things. Really bad shit. Shit that hurts people. Lots of people. Badly. For years. Years and years.

In one sense you seem very forgiving. Yet, in another sense, you appear uber-draconian. What gives?

The problem [ for us, We the People (the people without a penthouse at 740 Park) ] is that you seem to have your comedy/tragedy faces backwards.

When really bad shit happens, you put on the happy face. Then when happy shit happens, you swap over to the frown-face.

I realize that I run the risk here of laboring-the-obvious, but you boys in Washington seem like you really need help figuring out this shit (.. that seems very simple to us).

So .. the way you treated Jon Corleozonie and the Wall Stree execs .. is the way you should have treated Aaron. And conversely, the way you treated Aaron .. is the way you should have dealt with the real bad guys.

And if these guys are your friends .. then you need new friends (.. for obvious reasons).

Here's the problem, dude » not only does your refusal to even attempt to proscute the obviously criminal behavior of your Friends on Wall Street (that brought down our entire economy) encourage MORE OF THE SAME .. but it also serves and acts as a tacit approval.

And we obviously can't handle more of the same.

Aaron Swartz carnation, January 11, 2013, NYC» Contrast & Clarity

At least, things are becoming more clear. Who's who. That's good. Contrast. Clarity. Lines of demarcation are forming ..

.. between those who are ABOVE-the-law and those who are UNDER-the-law. The Sausage Makers vs the rest of us (.. aka » the American Sausage Company).

We should thank the SY$TEM .. for displaying its VALUE$ so clearly. "Thank you for shining a bright spotlight on your own shitty values."

Why is it that the Jon Corleozonies of the world never kill themselves? Why do the Hank Paulsons and the Bernie Madoffs and the Ken Lays of the world never do us a favor?

Despite all the genuine misery that they cause .. real human suffering. Have they no honor? Have they no shame? (Apparently not.)

Clearly they are looking for something besides honor, and feel no shame in doing so.

My intuition regarding Aaron's suicide .. is that the movie is over and the house lights are coming on. And the brighter they get, the uglier the SY$TEM will look.

Oh, look! » here comes some light right now. The current inequality is a direct result of Washington letting Wall Street climb in bed. And if they require a fee for the privilege, then we have more colorful terms for that kind of arrangement.

Let me ASK you, Mr. United States Legal System [ « something inside will not let me use the word 'Justice' there ] » How do *you* reconcile? How do you sleep at night? "How do you look yourself in the mirror?"

Because from the people's perspective .. it looks like a good trick. Like a very good trick.

You should write a response .. because I *know* these is a response. Tell us how you pull off the magic trick. Everybody wants to know how the clown pulls off the magic trick.

From our perspective .. it look like you're a big waste of taxpayer money .. money we can scarcely afford to waste.

Blue hoverboard» The Pain, The Lean & the Alternative

I also identify with Aaron's philosophy to » "lean into the pain."

Tho I dont 'lean' myself. No. Rather I » turn. I orientate toward the pain. It's a surprisingly fearless thing, but calm. (So you waste it if you puss-out.)

Leaning-into-the-pain is bad .. cuz you need to keep your balance. And I always go get help first .. before I pay a visit to Mr. Pain.

[ I do the same for Mr. Fear .. which = psychic pain. Notice how the very FIRST thing that the Spirit-of-God did .. after "descending like a dove" .. was to ..

.. lead Jesus where? To a 5-star resort located on the Mediterranean coast? No. Rather » into the wilderness.

For what reason? To get a massage? No. Rather » to be tempted of/by the devil. Does that sound like fun to you? I didnt think so. ]

Aaron obviously leaned too hard .. and lost his balance. Completely understandable.

The leaning part goes » here. [ Or here. =) ] Now .. it is probably obvious to you .. but it actually came as a revelation to me .. that .. you have to get close to a person .. before you can lean on them. Surprisingly close.

[ While you still have money .. the need for such intimacy doesnt seem so urgent .. cuz, well » you can just cut a check or call your lawyer. ]

Perhaps Aaron was the first Geek martyr. Tho surely not the last.

Many freedom-fighters shred themselves daily on coils of razor-wire .. designed to keep them from accessing the domains of true freedom .. domains currently inhabited and populated by those who do whatever they want without recourse (.. the monied elite).

"But why would anybody shred themselves so savagely?" you ask? Cuz it is » better. Than. The. Alternative.

[ Regarding the notion of orientating TOWARD pain .. note that the FIRST THING that the Spirit led Jesus to do .. seems like an unpleasant thing. The wilderness. Starvation. The Devil himself. (Mr Evil.)

The Spirit LED Him straight for what most of us would characterize as pain-n-suffering. Definitely in that direction. Notice the pattern. Toward the unpleasant first. Not luxury-first, as your average Christian seems bent toward. ]

I also took note .. that Aaron found it very hard to ask for money. Uh .. been there » done that. It's like sticking needles in your eyes. He wanted to give, not take. He wanted to contribute (.. and boy, did he ever).

Gandhi (1869-1948)» The Art & Science of the Suk

It might be worth noting .. that .. this book I am reading » the Brothers Karamazov (.. Dmitri, Ivan & Alexei). This is a book about » parricide.

I had never heard that word before. Guess I never had any reason to. So I had to look it up.

It's when children murder their parents .. tho usually not until the parents have become exceedingly proficient assholes.

I dunno. I have been thinking lately .. about lots of shit. And I think the reason that Aaron's death bothers me (.. more than it should) .. is cuz I know the house where that is done. (Figuratively speaking.)

I've been down the street. At night, of course. I noticed that there were a few lights on. It was not an emotional visit. Purely out of curiosity. Surprisingly unemotional, actually. Numb.

I think it was about 8:45 .. when I did the drive by. I had had a beer. One. Looked like a pretty ordinary house to me.

And I must say .. if I did not have the Bug .. I could not say how things would have turned out .. cuz he is what I couldnt divest myself of. Maybe divest isnt the best word, but you get the gist.

We arent thinking clearly under such emotional duress. The laws of logic are distorted. Crazy shit suddenly makes perfect sense.

In other words, the end result of heart-wrenching insanity » you have to die trying. [ It was right around here that I had that cool 'waterfall' feeling » "This should be interesting." ]

In keeping with the tenets of web site optimization, today's entry has been broken into FOUR PAGES. The final page is posted here » Dostoevsky, Aaron Swartz & the Broken Butterfly of Tomorrow - Part 4/4


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